Words are not going to be able to do this properly for me!
I don't know how to link stuff, but I've tried - I' tried to link to Nathan's post.
http://nato.revise.org/archives/2005/08/25/fulfillment/
Ok, so let's try and evaluate hannah's life!!
Actual events - some good, but mostly crap! Some may be familiar with the experience of everything you know falling away from you just like that, there's nothing you can do to stop it, only watch it disappear. Your world as you know it is crashing down around you! - yeah so that's my current place in life.
But as for how I'm reacting to these events - it's probably not how one should react! I am still at some kind of peace, even still joking round with mates and laughing - when i should be upset and crying! I have happiness and it's not a facade of happiness cos i do honestly feel happy - and I don't know why!! But through the happiness I also feel like I want to just break down and cry!
I want to be in denial! I want to deny that anything's happening at all and that life will continue as normal, even though i know it won't! I know that change is good!
But mostly, I want God's will for my life. I want God to give my direction for my future, make things 'all better' - he's good like that!! I want what i do to be pleasing to God, I want to live for God. i want to be with God every moment of the day, for him to be the centre of everything I do.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Jealous Kind
I really love this song by Jars of Clay! I don't know why! I just really love it!!
I think I don't understand it but that doesn't matter!! : )
Jealous Kind
I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends
You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind
Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand
One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride
I think I don't understand it but that doesn't matter!! : )
Jealous Kind
I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends
You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind
Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand
One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride
Friday, August 26, 2005
Playing grown ups!!
One of my friends is house sitting, so me, my brother, my mate's brother and another mate all went round for tea! It was yum! We had entree, mains and dessert then we went into the lounge with our drinks! This is what grown ups do and I really don't feel like a grown up yet! Oh well!! But I don't know if your average grown up then turns Celine Dion up really really loud and sings at the top of their lungs for half an hour!! : ) It's great fun - i highly recommend it! Along with some Moulin Rouge, Solace, Wash and Bebo Norman!! : ) Friends are great fun!! I love friends!!
I also really love the game minesweeper!! : )
I also really love the game minesweeper!! : )
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Home sweet home : )
Yay for being home! It's all exciting!! Though everyone pretty much was all in bed by 10.30 and I am left up by myself!! Maybe I should try these early night things some time - but why break a habit?! Oh well, I am currently watching Little Women, I like that movie! : ) I like being able to pick a random movie that I've seen lots of times before and just watch it again cos I can!! I like home!
But funnily I notice that when I'm home I act differently, I think I'm more demanding - which I find amusing! And I get frustrated kind of easily by little things that I'm not so much used to in Chch, eg, TV and the dog! I think my family watches too much TV, it annoys me so I go to my room and do something unproductive (isolating myself is not really a 'me' thing to do so that's kinda cool and wierd, as for unproductiveness, well, I'm a fairly unproductive person anyway!). And the dog annoys me cos he just does, but I'm gonna have to get over that!! Our dog, Gibson, is a huge attention seeker, and my parents are devoted to him and giving him what I think is way too much attention for a dog! I mean, he's a dog!!! (He also thought my foot was a toy and tried to bite it several times!)
I do love home really! And I always look forward to going home!! I also always get annoyed on my first night of being back - but I know I'll be fine tomorrow - unless of course they let the dog wake me up by jumping all over me! Grrrr : )
Hehe! I sound like a really angry/moody person, it's great!! I laugh at myself! Hahaha!! : )
But funnily I notice that when I'm home I act differently, I think I'm more demanding - which I find amusing! And I get frustrated kind of easily by little things that I'm not so much used to in Chch, eg, TV and the dog! I think my family watches too much TV, it annoys me so I go to my room and do something unproductive (isolating myself is not really a 'me' thing to do so that's kinda cool and wierd, as for unproductiveness, well, I'm a fairly unproductive person anyway!). And the dog annoys me cos he just does, but I'm gonna have to get over that!! Our dog, Gibson, is a huge attention seeker, and my parents are devoted to him and giving him what I think is way too much attention for a dog! I mean, he's a dog!!! (He also thought my foot was a toy and tried to bite it several times!)
I do love home really! And I always look forward to going home!! I also always get annoyed on my first night of being back - but I know I'll be fine tomorrow - unless of course they let the dog wake me up by jumping all over me! Grrrr : )
Hehe! I sound like a really angry/moody person, it's great!! I laugh at myself! Hahaha!! : )
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Expectations and perfection -somehow combined : )
I think I have some perfectionism in me somewhere - and that's scary, cos as far as I'm concerned, I'm anything but a perfectionist! : ) I'm not sure if it true perfectionism though, I don't know if I even know what that really is! And I only ever have perfect expectations on myself! I love the imperfections that other people have, -not to try and make myself seem better in some deluded way, I couldn't do that; but because imperfections are what makes people different and unique and loveable. I love imperfections! (in other people) But when it comes to my abilities and things I do, that's when I think I expect most perfectness from myself.
As I said though I'm not sure what true perfection is. Is perfection actually perfection? Or is it what we perceive to be perfection? (Does that make sense?) Cos I reckon those probably get distorted a bit in my mind! Then, how can we have a universal idea of perfectionism? : ) (I honestly should not try and think so much, it doesn't do anything for me!)
Now I'm interested to know:
Do other people expect perfection from themselves? Or more from others??
As I said though I'm not sure what true perfection is. Is perfection actually perfection? Or is it what we perceive to be perfection? (Does that make sense?) Cos I reckon those probably get distorted a bit in my mind! Then, how can we have a universal idea of perfectionism? : ) (I honestly should not try and think so much, it doesn't do anything for me!)
Now I'm interested to know:
Do other people expect perfection from themselves? Or more from others??
Monday, July 18, 2005
no title today
We just had Navs camp in the weekend!! It was very cool!! Though I am now very tired and a bit sick, and my brain's not functioning normally yet!! Oh well!! : )
Tony and Paul organised cool piratey activities for Saturday! We had to make a pirate ship, make a cannon and test it (our teams cannon was a flop!), and then there was a treasure hunt which was highly great fun!! : ) So much fun!!
Yeah, that's about all I can think of at the moment! It was a good camp!! : )
Tony and Paul organised cool piratey activities for Saturday! We had to make a pirate ship, make a cannon and test it (our teams cannon was a flop!), and then there was a treasure hunt which was highly great fun!! : ) So much fun!!
Yeah, that's about all I can think of at the moment! It was a good camp!! : )
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Post
I feel like i should post!
I'm going home on Saturday - so that's exciting! : ) Actually, it will be very cool cos I'll get to see m bestest ever mate in the whole wide world who I haven't seen since the start of January!! Yayness!! (She's a teacher in Australia and is also coming home for the school holidays!!) Yay for her!! : )
Yeah, so that should be good! : )
Last night, we watched the Phantom of the Opera!! Man I love that movie!! It is so awesome! That chick can sing - real good!! I love it!! I love musicals!! They're the best! : )
I'm going home on Saturday - so that's exciting! : ) Actually, it will be very cool cos I'll get to see m bestest ever mate in the whole wide world who I haven't seen since the start of January!! Yayness!! (She's a teacher in Australia and is also coming home for the school holidays!!) Yay for her!! : )
Yeah, so that should be good! : )
Last night, we watched the Phantom of the Opera!! Man I love that movie!! It is so awesome! That chick can sing - real good!! I love it!! I love musicals!! They're the best! : )
Monday, June 13, 2005
Music anyone??
Today I am using my blog as a source of advertising space!! hehe!!
Ok: If you like jazz music and/or like brass bands - then I have just the concert you may be looking for! Canterbury Foundation Brass Band is doing a concert this Saturday (June 18th) at the Aurora Centre at 7.30pm. The concert is called "Just Jazz"!! Tickets are $10 student and $12 adult/not-student. Tickets are available at the door!
Yeah, so you should come!! : )
Ok: If you like jazz music and/or like brass bands - then I have just the concert you may be looking for! Canterbury Foundation Brass Band is doing a concert this Saturday (June 18th) at the Aurora Centre at 7.30pm. The concert is called "Just Jazz"!! Tickets are $10 student and $12 adult/not-student. Tickets are available at the door!
Yeah, so you should come!! : )
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Love - hehehe : ) And I wrote a long post!! : )
I've been thinking a bit lately about love (doesn't everyone, hehehe!) and I think God's telling me I should be loving the unloved. I was thinking about how I am so loved and that I know I'm loved and there's heaps of people out there who are either not loved or don't know they're loved : (
So my mission is to love people! Yay for stating the obvious!! : ) Isn't that what Jesus wants us to do anyways?? Love people?!! : )
But my question is: who do I love? That sounds silly, but I mean - if God wants me to love the unloved, how do I know who the unloved are, ie, who are the unloved that God wants me to go and love?? : ) (I sound confused)
Does God want me to go out to the streets of Christchurch and get to know the homeless people who look like they have noone to love them? I actually think God's maybe calling me to the unloved people i know. But again - how do i know who's unloved, or at least feeling unloved??
I love pretty much everyone I know - even if I don't always like some people (which isn't that often) I still love them!! (So, if you know me, then know you are loved!) : )
I can't just walk up to someone and ask "Are you loved?" I spose I could, but that's not really me! Am I kinda just supposed to 'know' maybe?? I've tried thinking about people i might accidently be making feel unloved, eg, by leaving them out in social situations or even just in life, or people in class who don't really hang out with anyone, or are there people at band that always just seem to be by themselves and not talking to others?? If I can think of people 'on the edges' as such, again - how do i know if they are unloved?? I dunno!! i think maybe these are the people I'm s'posed to go love!
But (there's always a but), what if in the process of loving these so-called unloved people in my life, I let slip the current relationships I have with other people, thus making these people feel unloved (assuming my love means something to them in the first place!)?? And what makes my love worth something/anything in the first place?? It's all good and well to say go love someone, but what makes it worth anything if I do love them??
Then there's the whole idea of the love languages thing - I think I'm words and touch! (Who would've guessed!?) I think it's important to connect with people in a way that means something to them (if you're trying to love them), but you have to get to know someone in order to even know what they appreciate. I think I don't make much sense, but that's ok, i know what I mean!! : )
If anyone actually read this far, yeah, this is kind of how my mind thinks, but not really - cos this has, in a way, been processed and my mind doesn't often get processed! : ) I think the point of me writing this post is possibly just to try and clear up some of my own thoughts, cos I get a bit confused when i try and think about stuff, so writing it down i guess helps me to see it and play around with my ideas a bit! I can't control my thoughts when they're in my head, but if they're on paper then I can see them and try and figure out what they're all thinking!! : )
So my mission is to love people! Yay for stating the obvious!! : ) Isn't that what Jesus wants us to do anyways?? Love people?!! : )
But my question is: who do I love? That sounds silly, but I mean - if God wants me to love the unloved, how do I know who the unloved are, ie, who are the unloved that God wants me to go and love?? : ) (I sound confused)
Does God want me to go out to the streets of Christchurch and get to know the homeless people who look like they have noone to love them? I actually think God's maybe calling me to the unloved people i know. But again - how do i know who's unloved, or at least feeling unloved??
I love pretty much everyone I know - even if I don't always like some people (which isn't that often) I still love them!! (So, if you know me, then know you are loved!) : )
I can't just walk up to someone and ask "Are you loved?" I spose I could, but that's not really me! Am I kinda just supposed to 'know' maybe?? I've tried thinking about people i might accidently be making feel unloved, eg, by leaving them out in social situations or even just in life, or people in class who don't really hang out with anyone, or are there people at band that always just seem to be by themselves and not talking to others?? If I can think of people 'on the edges' as such, again - how do i know if they are unloved?? I dunno!! i think maybe these are the people I'm s'posed to go love!
But (there's always a but), what if in the process of loving these so-called unloved people in my life, I let slip the current relationships I have with other people, thus making these people feel unloved (assuming my love means something to them in the first place!)?? And what makes my love worth something/anything in the first place?? It's all good and well to say go love someone, but what makes it worth anything if I do love them??
Then there's the whole idea of the love languages thing - I think I'm words and touch! (Who would've guessed!?) I think it's important to connect with people in a way that means something to them (if you're trying to love them), but you have to get to know someone in order to even know what they appreciate. I think I don't make much sense, but that's ok, i know what I mean!! : )
If anyone actually read this far, yeah, this is kind of how my mind thinks, but not really - cos this has, in a way, been processed and my mind doesn't often get processed! : ) I think the point of me writing this post is possibly just to try and clear up some of my own thoughts, cos I get a bit confused when i try and think about stuff, so writing it down i guess helps me to see it and play around with my ideas a bit! I can't control my thoughts when they're in my head, but if they're on paper then I can see them and try and figure out what they're all thinking!! : )
Friday, May 6, 2005
My Seduction Style : )
Yeah, this was kinda just funny! It cracked me up!! : )
| Your Seduction Style: The Natural |
 |
What Is Your Seduction Style?
Friday, April 29, 2005
Flat warming
My flat is having a flat warming next Saturday (on May the 7th) for anyone who may be interested. The theme is: brown (you have to see our flat to truly appreciate this)!! It's BYO.
If you would like to come and don't know where I live, you can text me -or anyone else from my flat - (if you have my number, and if you don't have it other people might so you can get it off them) and i can tell you where i live, I don't really want to put my address on the internet.
I think Ali's 21st is also on that night, so yeah.
I think if you're interested, maybe people are arriving around 8-9pm-ish. Yeah, that's about all
That's all I have to say for now!
Except - i'm going to a wedding tomorrow!! yayness!! It's the first wedding I've been personally invited to (ie, not as part of my family), and it's also the first wedding I will have actually ever been to as a guest! (I've previously been to a wedding where I was part of the people playing music for the bride to walk down the aisle - I don't think it really counts as going to a wedding if you're being paid to be there!!) But yeah, that's quite exciting!! : )
If you would like to come and don't know where I live, you can text me -or anyone else from my flat - (if you have my number, and if you don't have it other people might so you can get it off them) and i can tell you where i live, I don't really want to put my address on the internet.
I think Ali's 21st is also on that night, so yeah.
I think if you're interested, maybe people are arriving around 8-9pm-ish. Yeah, that's about all
That's all I have to say for now!
Except - i'm going to a wedding tomorrow!! yayness!! It's the first wedding I've been personally invited to (ie, not as part of my family), and it's also the first wedding I will have actually ever been to as a guest! (I've previously been to a wedding where I was part of the people playing music for the bride to walk down the aisle - I don't think it really counts as going to a wedding if you're being paid to be there!!) But yeah, that's quite exciting!! : )
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
: )
I just lost the game!!
I always lose the game, it's not fair!!
Ruth is also losing the game - both games actually!! hehehe : )
I always lose the game, it's not fair!!
Ruth is also losing the game - both games actually!! hehehe : )
Thursday, April 21, 2005
ANZAC Day
Is anyone going to an ANZAC service on Monday??
I thought I would like to go to one, and if anyone else is keen -it'd be more fun to go with someone, not that it's supposed to be fun exactly, but you know what I mean!! : )
I thought I would like to go to one, and if anyone else is keen -it'd be more fun to go with someone, not that it's supposed to be fun exactly, but you know what I mean!! : )
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Monday, February 28, 2005
Christchurch
Yayness for being back in Christchurch! I'm liking it! I was looking forward very much to coming back down! Now I've been here for about 2 weeks and it feels like I've never left uni! Straight back into all that work! Crazy! But seeing lots of people has been good! I think I like living away from home - I can be selfish - that sounds really terrible - and it probably is, but when I'm flatting i generally don't have to think about what the rest of my family is doing, and whether or not we have anything we're sposed to be doing - I can just kind of try and organise my life - it's great!! Yeah, that is kinda selfish! Oh well! I'll get over it! : )
I just spent about 1 1/2 hrs looking on the silly databases for some really old journal articles and couldn't find them anywhere - then i looked on our course handout - that was sitting beside me the whole time and realised that pretty much everything I've been looking for is actually on reserve in the library! Oh well! At least I'm now refreshed in how to use the library databases again! It had been a while! : )
I just spent about 1 1/2 hrs looking on the silly databases for some really old journal articles and couldn't find them anywhere - then i looked on our course handout - that was sitting beside me the whole time and realised that pretty much everything I've been looking for is actually on reserve in the library! Oh well! At least I'm now refreshed in how to use the library databases again! It had been a while! : )
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
A new post
Long time no post!! I've still been reading some posts just not commenting - cos I temporarily forgot my username ... and password, but that's alright!! Hamilton's good!! The weather is not cool!! It's generally cloudy and rainy here, we've had a few warm days though!! Oh well!!
I passed all my exams - yay for me!! I don't know my grades - just that I passed them! Such a relief - I seriously thought I was gonna have to repeat more papers!! : ) Yay for God getting me through them!! : )
How's people all going? Anyone coming to Hamilton?? I miss Chch people! So if anyone's passing through and needs a place to stay or anything - just let me know! - (c'mon it's free). Even if u don't know me that well - how better do u get to know some one than if u visit them!! (Did that just make sense??)
I have a job kind of, at a bank, but it's not as exciting as I think working at a rest home would be!! : ) Not the same rewards - emotionally! Anyone get what i mean??
Ok, I'm tired and not feeling like I'm making that much sense at all!! : ) But then that could just be normal!!
Cya
I passed all my exams - yay for me!! I don't know my grades - just that I passed them! Such a relief - I seriously thought I was gonna have to repeat more papers!! : ) Yay for God getting me through them!! : )
How's people all going? Anyone coming to Hamilton?? I miss Chch people! So if anyone's passing through and needs a place to stay or anything - just let me know! - (c'mon it's free). Even if u don't know me that well - how better do u get to know some one than if u visit them!! (Did that just make sense??)
I have a job kind of, at a bank, but it's not as exciting as I think working at a rest home would be!! : ) Not the same rewards - emotionally! Anyone get what i mean??
Ok, I'm tired and not feeling like I'm making that much sense at all!! : ) But then that could just be normal!!
Cya
Monday, November 8, 2004
I conformed
Hello,
Well, I guess I'm the newest conformee person! Yeah, I thought I might as well get me a blog!!
So yeah!! That's about that really!!
I don't know what I intend to do with my blog now that I have it - probably mostly comment on other peoples blogs that don't allow anonymous comments!! teehehe : )
Cool, I guess I'll leave it at that for now!! I think this has probably got to be the hardest post to write! I have no idea what to say - and it's all very unoriginal cos people always have a first post that say the same kind of things!! Oh well!! : )
Cya!
Well, I guess I'm the newest conformee person! Yeah, I thought I might as well get me a blog!!
So yeah!! That's about that really!!
I don't know what I intend to do with my blog now that I have it - probably mostly comment on other peoples blogs that don't allow anonymous comments!! teehehe : )
Cool, I guess I'll leave it at that for now!! I think this has probably got to be the hardest post to write! I have no idea what to say - and it's all very unoriginal cos people always have a first post that say the same kind of things!! Oh well!! : )
Cya!
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