... That's cos it's not! : )
The end of lectures for another year - I still have to return next year (and the year after)! : ) Though in a way, I kinda want to leave now! Don't get me wrong - I love uni, and I'm sure i can manage at least another year (or 2) here, but seeing as my life now lacks a bit of direction, I kinda want to just go out and do stuff rather than learn about it! I dunno!!
Growing up, I never really had any major dreams or desires or life plans that I ever thought would become reality, I just knew that I would grow up and life would happen, whether I like it or not! - I guess that's why I figured I was going to make sure I enjoyed life then- it happens once and then it's over, you get to decide what happens along the way and how you live!
And I knew I always wanted to follow God! : )
But now, I've started thinking about what i want to do - and most things seem like they could be reality if i made them happen!! I want to go out and do things, help the world in some way! Help the people around me! Not settle for a comfortable life. Live life in a way that is most pleasing to God - making the best use of my life (i understand that the best use of my life is going to be different to the best uses of others' lives!) But now my mind has opened itself a wee bit and I don't know which ideas are the best use of my life! I want to be bold in my endeavours, go out confidently into the world, step out on my own two feet, not have to rely on anyone but God!
But I'm afraid to do that! I think it's cos I hate being alone and am afraid that in stepping out I risk being alone! I need people round me!! : )
I guess I also know I was born to follow others - which probably sounds weird after what I've just said! While young girls may dream of being a queen or princess, I always thought it would be cool to be the queen (or princess') personal maidservant person! - weird I know! But that's just me! I really don't like the idea of me being in charge - for an hour, that's cool, but not for ages!! : )
So another year's almost over! : ) It went crazy fast! Another year closer to actually finishing a degree and unleashing myself on the world! heh!! : )
