Words are not going to be able to do this properly for me!

I don't know how to link stuff, but I've tried - I' tried to link to Nathan's post.

http://nato.revise.org/archives/2005/08/25/fulfillment/

Ok, so let's try and evaluate hannah's life!!
Actual events - some good, but mostly crap! Some may be familiar with the experience of everything you know falling away from you just like that, there's nothing you can do to stop it, only watch it disappear. Your world as you know it is crashing down around you! - yeah so that's my current place in life.

But as for how I'm reacting to these events - it's probably not how one should react! I am still at some kind of peace, even still joking round with mates and laughing - when i should be upset and crying! I have happiness and it's not a facade of happiness cos i do honestly feel happy - and I don't know why!! But through the happiness I also feel like I want to just break down and cry!

I want to be in denial! I want to deny that anything's happening at all and that life will continue as normal, even though i know it won't! I know that change is good!

But mostly, I want God's will for my life. I want God to give my direction for my future, make things 'all better' - he's good like that!! I want what i do to be pleasing to God, I want to live for God. i want to be with God every moment of the day, for him to be the centre of everything I do.

Jealous Kind

I really love this song by Jars of Clay! I don't know why! I just really love it!!
I think I don't understand it but that doesn't matter!! : )

Jealous Kind

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

Playing grown ups!!

One of my friends is house sitting, so me, my brother, my mate's brother and another mate all went round for tea! It was yum! We had entree, mains and dessert then we went into the lounge with our drinks! This is what grown ups do and I really don't feel like a grown up yet! Oh well!! But I don't know if your average grown up then turns Celine Dion up really really loud and sings at the top of their lungs for half an hour!! : ) It's great fun - i highly recommend it! Along with some Moulin Rouge, Solace, Wash and Bebo Norman!! : ) Friends are great fun!! I love friends!!

I also really love the game minesweeper!! : )

Home sweet home : )

Yay for being home! It's all exciting!! Though everyone pretty much was all in bed by 10.30 and I am left up by myself!! Maybe I should try these early night things some time - but why break a habit?! Oh well, I am currently watching Little Women, I like that movie! : ) I like being able to pick a random movie that I've seen lots of times before and just watch it again cos I can!! I like home!

But funnily I notice that when I'm home I act differently, I think I'm more demanding - which I find amusing! And I get frustrated kind of easily by little things that I'm not so much used to in Chch, eg, TV and the dog! I think my family watches too much TV, it annoys me so I go to my room and do something unproductive (isolating myself is not really a 'me' thing to do so that's kinda cool and wierd, as for unproductiveness, well, I'm a fairly unproductive person anyway!). And the dog annoys me cos he just does, but I'm gonna have to get over that!! Our dog, Gibson, is a huge attention seeker, and my parents are devoted to him and giving him what I think is way too much attention for a dog! I mean, he's a dog!!! (He also thought my foot was a toy and tried to bite it several times!)

I do love home really! And I always look forward to going home!! I also always get annoyed on my first night of being back - but I know I'll be fine tomorrow - unless of course they let the dog wake me up by jumping all over me! Grrrr : )

Hehe! I sound like a really angry/moody person, it's great!! I laugh at myself! Hahaha!! : )

Expectations and perfection -somehow combined : )

I think I have some perfectionism in me somewhere - and that's scary, cos as far as I'm concerned, I'm anything but a perfectionist! : ) I'm not sure if it true perfectionism though, I don't know if I even know what that really is! And I only ever have perfect expectations on myself! I love the imperfections that other people have, -not to try and make myself seem better in some deluded way, I couldn't do that; but because imperfections are what makes people different and unique and loveable. I love imperfections! (in other people) But when it comes to my abilities and things I do, that's when I think I expect most perfectness from myself.
As I said though I'm not sure what true perfection is. Is perfection actually perfection? Or is it what we perceive to be perfection? (Does that make sense?) Cos I reckon those probably get distorted a bit in my mind! Then, how can we have a universal idea of perfectionism? : ) (I honestly should not try and think so much, it doesn't do anything for me!)

Now I'm interested to know:
Do other people expect perfection from themselves? Or more from others??